Soccer Saturday. Today was the first game day of the season. We were late. We are always late. I almost had it timed right, but the middle child decided that the new shinguards (purchased because the old shin guards annoyed her) also annoyed her. She had complained the old ones felt weird because they were too small, but now the new ones dug into her knee because they were too long. I could see where the strap would rub. So I offered, and she agreed to wear the old shin guards. Of course, I couldn't actually remember where I had put the old shin guards. Brain Fog.
Did I put them in the attic for her younger sister? Were they in the bin to be sorted in my closet? Down in the mud room? I started to get nervous, because I knew this meant extra trips around the house.
You see, for the past year and a half I have studiously balanced rest periods, energy expenditure and food intake before trips into public in order to pass for a somewhat normal person. On good days, I am pretty good at this. On so-so days, I can muster enough for short trips, but that's all I accomplish. On bad days, I stay home. It took quite awhile to get the hang of this. Many times, I ventured out only to need help pushing the cart or taking hours longer than normal to finish and needing two days to recover. My batteries weren't fully charged when I left the house.
Last fall, I visited the Genetics Clinic at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore to see if there was an underlying genetic cause for my problems. They were unable to diagnose me with anything specific, but said some things in my blood work were suspicious for Mitochondrial Disorder. What I am beginning to understand about Lyme Disease is that the chronic infection damages mitochondria. If you remember from high school biology, mitochondria are energy producing organelles in every cell in your body. If your mitochondria are not working properly, periods without food and rest can literally drain your batteries causing an energy crisis.
Back to the shin guards . . . Eventually, I remembered wanting to wash them before packing them away. I figured I had a few years until they would be needed and had put off giving them a good soak. There they were at the bottom of a pile of laundry.
Today ended up in the so-so range, but luckily it was raining by the time we got to the older brother's game. Not so lucky for a cold and wet older brother, but I got an extra rest period in the car to compensate for the frantic last-minute searching. After all, no one expects you to have a 2-year-old out in a field on a cold, rainy day. The middle child's game, that had required all that running around . . . was cancelled (sigh).
Survey: How often do you push yourself past your low-battery warning?
It's a miracle I get out of bed everyday. Well, to me anyway. So, to answer your question, I push myself a lot.
ReplyDeleteUsed to push myself way too far, all the time. In the past year, I have gotten repeated messages to lighten my load, to create silence, to slow down. And I'm finally listening. It's hard to not fill my time with the "next thing" but I'm learning to appreciate the silence that I'm starting to surround myself with. Love ya!
ReplyDeletejust read your "filling the rx" entry. oh my goodness. what an epic journey. so glad that you are a strong woman...and you're willing to accept an even stronger support through Him who is the strongest. praying.
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